Colossal Scrap

Colossal Scrap is a joint blog I've started together with a good friend of mine. Were looking to write witty, funny stuff on a much more frequent basis than before. Probably ain't gonna happen, but we'll see.

The blog is probably going to involve one of the two scenarios.

Number one: either one of us (i.e. me or Aron) will post something and the other will troll.



 Number two: either one of us will post something and the other is going to completely ignore it and write something else. Then troll.



Talking of trolls, and all that I'll kick off with something I completely made up and makes no allusion to real events or people.

Check out: http://collossallyunatendedblog.blogspot.com/ Do it!


Actually, forget that link, check out this one: http://brainscrapstories.blogspot.com/ The power of Christ compels you!

It was in the woodland realms that we first met. A beautiful forest was all about and the sun drenched the rich trees in its warm colors. I was searching for herbs at the time. Green ones, with a pungent yet invigorating smell when fresh, and a musty pine-cone-y smell when burnt, obviously kingsfoil, also know as leaves of Athelas.

The herb masters know much about the various name of the plant. But they are often to deep in their mediation to say anything of real significance to anyone who has not indulged in the precious herb. Common folk simply refer to the plant as pipe weed.

Alas it was in the western wood that I first came to know the man Kador. At first I was stricken by his peculiar name. Very uncommon for these lands indeed. "Oi! I'm looking for pipe weed. Did you see any around these parts here?" He asked casually.

"Not really. Are you all out? We can look for some if that's not a problem." by the looks of him I could tell he found at least a small quantity. The season was not ripe for pipe weed, but he seemed to be quite the scout.

"No mate, I'm quite fine. But I'll be out soon."

"I see. Tell you what, let's go close to that inconspicuous looking tree over there right next to the heavily traveled cross roads and inconspicuously have a brake. Then we can go look for some more."

"More what?"

"Pipe weed."

He pondered my proposition for a while then said, "Alright!"

We were well on our way into the third hour of our brake and dusk was upon us. "So this blend from far north gives you +15 to friendliness but has a massive penalty to charisma and intelligence. I mean seriously, my stupid niece got fuck-all wasted this one time and ..." before I could finish describing my lore Kador gave a silent "Fuck!" and put the pipe weed inconspicuously away. A small group of scout gnolls was upon us.


I couldn't understand their tongue. An abrasive speech filled with grunts and cuss words, or things that sounded that way. One of them came up close, it reeked of stupid. It put out it's short dull talons and took the herb from Kador. We could do nothing, we were surrounded and no longer inconspicuous. "Well this is gone to shit!" I said smiling to my companion. He smiled back but before he could say anything one of the gnolls flapped it's hairy mouth and sketched something in the common tongue. I think it was "NO talk!" by which I cleverly deduced that he wanted me to shut up, which I did, for a while.

In three minutes the gnolls were running their hairy little talons through every bit of our belongings. "I guess this isn't very legal round these parts, is it?" I asked.

"Nope. But don't worry maybe something shiny will pass us and they'll get distracted, then we can run." But nothing shiny passed. The gnolls soon finished searching us. Then started talking to Kador. They looked very upset. I wondered why. Maybe it was because they felt that they were missing out on something. And I still believe to this they that, yes, they were missing out. But never mind them, they were bastards.

Upon realizing that the spoils of their capture were minimal, the gnolls tied us up and transported us to their lair. It was a sad looking place with plastered white walls that looked like they have seen much much better days. The only sources of light were these small torches hanging here and there on the walls poisoning the air. Maybe that's what made them upset.

The air started weighing heavily on my eye-lids as I became more and more weary. I had been sitting in their "shit little cavern", as Kador so astutely described it before he got taken away, and the only interesting thing I had to do was relieve myself in one of their cups. And honestly, this time they made me do it.

My companion was set free after some hours. He told me that they poked him with some sticks and made him do some cave paintings with his fingers. I personally didn't see the art work but judging by the stains on Kador's fingers they had to be good!

We looked around for a while and it seemed that the gnolls had lost interest in us. It certainly had something to do with the swarm of fire flies that were now dancing against the cavern walls. We got out of the caves without much resistance. Actually they pretty much let us go after giving me a look and saying, "NO funny!" Me and my companion congratulated ourselves and left the place.

"Shall we go search for some more now?"

"More what?"

"Pipe weed."

"Alright!" Kador said after pondering for a brief moment.

The End